Wow. haven't blogged for so long. Many times i am tempted to start blogging but somehow didn't. During the exam period, it felt bad spending the time blogging when i should be studying, but it obviously didn't help my exam grades, considering that i went on to do other ridiculous stuff.
The exams have been over for a week already. and quite a number of stuff has happened that i honestly don't know how to blog. Cuz probably thinking through it in the first place hurts, and makes me feel sad, and i just didn't want to think about it. And even though good stuff do happens, it feels deceiving to myself to only blog one side of the story. Hence I chose to avoid it totally.
The thought of caderas latinas, elections, rummage, dance, just puts a sigh into my lips. I have never ever felt so stressed about it. sometimes it's being upset with everybody, sometimes it's being upset with myself because i don't know whether we all deserve this in the first place. Did we do anything wrong? I don't think so. many times during the past week, hearing these people talk, i can't help but feel agitated. because i feel wronged. because i think it's unfair to the whole exco, especially those who have put in so much from the beginning. Celeste is right that we do not have to defend ourselves because we know that we've done our best and good stuff did come from it. but sometimes it's difficult to control. my emotions are a high, fueled by the fact that my period is here. it bugs me even more when it affects the people around me. I am amazed how a person like me can lose sleep over this. haha. i'm famous for being a piggy!
i'm too tired to even club. amazing. every smile that night at dxo was a forced smile. but i stayed. out of habit? *shrugs* But earlier that day was sort of nice. though just the three of us at marina square was probably a reflection of how weird things felt with the club at that time, I enjoyed just being with you two gals. we really don't go out at all like that, except for club stuff. we should *hugs*
cramps. pain. gastric. giddyness. pukish. puffy eyes. insomia. stop soon. i wanna be a pretty and happy girl.
grades aren't helpin either. I got a C for CAT, my GPA has officially gone below 3.0. I am in trouble. and by the looks of what i got for MPW, not too good either. i'm messing up my life. i'm worried. i really don't want to see the rest of my grades.
happy stuff...
thank god there are still things that keep me happy. 2 years and 3 months. kinda seem going slow now. past the point of counting. I bought him the OP leather file, so happy to see him like it. hee.. me sneaking behind the door to see his reaction when he gets it, cuz i don't want him to pretend to like it if he had to open it in front of me. This summer, i'm getting the feeling that i'm trying to handle more males than i can handle again. but things are so different now. I dunno how to explain. I just wanna run back to him. and the best thing is I see the difference when he looks at me. Things have settled. And I am still relishing in it :)
I went to watch Burn the Floor TWICE. haha. good seats for both. paid $111 for one (which i still owe zhimin) and got a free ticket for another. It was brilliant, I have never felt so satisfied from a performance for a long long time. And I wish I can be that HOT. the bods. sigh...
My internship is finally settled. It will be with LEGO, only 9 weeks. haha.. so I can still enjoy my holidays unlike many others. Many would think it is a flippant job. I admit it probably is so, but as my friend says "typical me". I just hope there is more to it and not just retail. It might be surprising to some that I'm happy that it does include some retail stuff. I've always wanted to do sales for a while, warped as it seems. but never got the opportunity since my mother didn't approve of the working hours. I really hope it would help me. I love the office. Full of lego. colours. makes a person's day brighter. and the best is no fanciful office wear.
But i suppose the same thing still bothers me. I used to ask myself, is there something wrong with me? People apply for the challenging internships around and here i am choosing these internships. Simply put, i do not have the guts to do what the others do. I feel so damn inapt that I'm so afraid of putting myself in a spot during the internship. So i end up questioning where the hell am i gonna be in this business world. Am i heading down the wrong path? Have i been too lax on myself? I honestly don't even know where to go. Now i'm just convincing myself that i have to build my confidence first, and work step by step towards it. and grades is gonna be a huge factor (which leads back to one of my problems. sigh)
Anyways, I'm gonna end my extrememly long and sad entry with my goals/ stuff to do for the summer:
1) Improve my salsa. social social social
2) Turns Technique
3) Learn Hip Hop with Iris
4) Start playing tennis again
5) Learn to use and master my Canon 350D. snap snap snap!
6) Master Adobe Photoshop(and settle the membership card thingy)
7) Corporate Finance
8) remember to play the piano, don't want fingers to rot
9) Chinese? haha. will see about that
10) Read Read read non-fictional stuff. haha.
yup. not too stressful stuff.. mainly hobbies. after all, it's my holidays :P
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